I used to believe there was no such thing as bad pizza until I went to Italy. Likewise, sex was all fun and games until I came out of the closet and felt tempted to explore positions beyond missionary.
Of course, pleasure is not linear, so it doesn’t necessarily get better with every partner. But experience helps you figure out what you like and, more importantly, what you don’t.
There was a time when men had me convinced doggystyle was the bee’s knees of sex, and I was in the wrong hive. I couldn’t understand why people liked it so much, yet I tolerated it.
Doggy involves the receiver bent over on all fours while the inserter kneels behind them, typically grabbing them by the waist. Perhaps I’m a romantic, but I like being able to see my partner. The position also limits body contact to penetration. It just feels impersonal. At worst, it can get dull with a slothful bottom or painful with a jackhammer top.
I pride myself on focusing on solutions instead of problems, so without further ado, I present you with the spoon and spork.
The most helpful plastic utensils are also the names of the best sex positions, in my humble opinion, and in that order. Before you shrug me off, let me clarify spooning can be much steamier than cuddling, and sporking might sound like you’re at an outdoor barbeque, but it’s actually the holy grail of sex positions.
Before we move forward, these positions do require you to be into your partner rather than just using them as a tube sock. So if you’re just trying to get off, doggy away. If you’re seeking to up the ante on intimacy, the spoon and spork are about to become synonymous with great sex. Or maybe not. But for me they are. Orgasms are relative, so we’re not signing away at the dotted line.
Still, experimenting is how you reach your preferred finish line. And let’s pretend you’re topping for the sake of the English language.
The Spoon
The spoon involves both of you lying on your sides, facing the same direction. This might induce memories of ‘Netflix and chill’ or the mornings after a night of passion. However, instead of merely sliding behind your partner’s pelvis, you’re entering them.
Critics of the spoon say it’s lazy, but I disagree! It’s comfortable and effortless – when has that ever been bad? You can penetrate deeply while both parties still maintain a sense of control. Plus, at least for me, the full-body skin-to-skin contact makes it all the more titillating.
The Spork
Once the spoon has the party started, turn it into a spork. While your partner lies on their back, raise their leg so you can be positioned between their legs at a 90-degree angle. Don’t be afraid of staring directly into their eyes as your legs are intertwined and nature takes its course. And the best part is you can kiss while you’re in action.
Anyone seeking to embrace their kinkier side will find both these simple yet powerful sex positions empowering for choking, spit, dirty talk, etc. Use your imagination. I firmly believe the spork is not more popular because it’s snubbed in porn. But sex is about the angles of pleasure, not which are best captured by the camera, so it’s time we give the spork the justice it deserves.
Don’t take this sexual inspiration as a crusade against doggy style, but as an invitation to thrust and moan in more ways than one.
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What does it mean to be Demisexual?
Everything to know about the ‘Side’ sexual position
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