Penetration isn’t the ultimate goal of pleasure; it’s just one flavor of it. Not everyone identifies as a top or bottom – a “side” is a queer man who prefers sexual acts that don’t involve penetration, and it’s even a role category on Grindr. But beyond oral and handjobs, what are all the ways that you can enjoy non-penetrative play, otherwise known as outercourse? Whether you’re into frotting with a partner or with your own, we’ve got some toys and accessories to help you maximize your pleasure – no penetration required.
Babeland sex educator Lisa Finn shares, “Frottage or frotting is a sexual act in which rubbing the genitals against another body part is the main source of stimulation (the name is actually from the French frotter, meaning ‘to rub’). It’s a form of outercourse, or non-penetrative sex, where pressure, friction, and movement work together to stimulate an entire area with broad motions. This kind of play can feel amazing from foreplay to an orgasmic main event.”
Why does frotting feel so good?
Skin-on-skin stimulation allows you to control pressure in a unique way. It’s intimate, warm, and packed with sensation, letting you stay close to your partner. Syncing rhythm and mixing things up by giving each other a handjob in between can feel incredible, and if you’re going at it solo, the pressure of rubbing can feel just as good. If one partner does enjoy bottoming, they can insert a hands-free prostate plug during a partnered session.
It’s also a low-pressure alternative for people who experience performance anxiety pr erectile dysfunction. It can be combined with roleplay, done side by side, straddling your partner’s thigh, or guiding their cock in a stroker – don’t be afraid to get creative and play with rhythm and control.
Outercourse or frotting tips for people with penises
Always use lube
When frotting or outercourse is involved, lube is a must (water-based if it’s with a toy, or a lube designed for toys combining silicone and water-based ingredients for a longer-lasting session). Lube reduces friction, enhances sensation, and helps things glide, avoiding irritation and injury.
Frot with a stroker and a stroking pad
Finn shares, “For frotting / penis-to-penis, you can add texture with a stroker or sleeve! Open-ended soft stroker styles (ones that are fully TPE or silicone) are extra stretchy and can fit over more than one shaft, and can give extra sensation through light pressure from the snug fit. You can also use an open stroking pad to add in sensation easily.”
While frotting is typically done by rubbing two penises together, you can get closer with your partner. You can both lube up and slip your penises inside a couple of stretchy silicone strokers, alternating giving a handjob that stimulates you both. Be sure to use an open-ended stroker, and since a single sleeve may not be big enough for two anatomies, you can place a single stroker over each of your penises, then rub together for a unique sensation.
Bring in a vibrating cock ring
Strokers are just one route to pleasure – grinding pads bring in a delicious texture, while rings are perfect for shared outercourse, letting vibrations hit both partners during grinding and allowing for mutual masturbation, but they also let you go hands-free if you want.
A toy designed specifically for frotting (solo or partnered)
CockBlock Toys
Meet the first toy designed specifically for frotting. The award-nominated CockBlock is designed for two penises to enjoy hands-free thrusting and grinding. It has a heavy base to keep it stable during body movement and comes in two varieties: a heavier version for more vigorous thrusting and a more lightweight version called Hand Control.
An open-ended stroker that leaves the head exposed
Good Head Sleeve Mini Stroker
This affordable mini stroker from Doc Johnson is a must for a solo play routine, and since the sensitive head of the penis is exposed, you can rub two lubed-up heads together, adding even more sensation to the feeling of textured pressure.
A vibrating grinder pad to take things up a notch
Gender X Pleasure Pad Grinder Vibe
While the manual grinding pad Babeland’s sex educator suggested works great, this ultra-soft vibrating grinding pad takes things to the next level for solo frotting. Place is on a surface of your choice and rub against it, enjoying the textured, raised surface that disperses vibrations across its width. You can even place it on a partner’s thigh and grind on it.
A penis-shaped stroker
Stroke and Poke Stroker
If you want the simulated feeling of penetration during the act of frotting, this unique Stroke and Poke stretcher has a textured canal that mimics a realistic penis and comes with a Vibrating 10-speed TPE ring. The lifelike design allows you and your partner to give each other hand jobs and frot, adding even more pressure to an already mindblowing experience.
A vibrating cock ring
Renegade Vibrating Rocket Ring
A cock ring is a no-brainer add-on to a frotting sesh – this one from Renegade is soft enough to rub on each other, and it adds some extra endurance for a longer session. It’s also waterproof, allowing for a shower or bath frotting session if desired. The rumbly motor is sure to leave your legs shaking when you finally climax.
A wand (not just for vulvas!)
Le Wand Rechargeable Vibrating Massager (+ Stroker Attachment)
Wands aren’t just for vulvas – these body massagers are also great for placing between bodies and using on a variety of erogenous zones, adding sensation and rumbly vibes to the perineum, nipples, testicles, or different parts of the penis. They can also be used for a vibrating blowjob. Le Wand deserves a shoutout because they sell stroker attachments. For traditional frotting, place it between your legs so the wand is aligned with you and your partners’ penises.
Flavored lube and oral sex mints for an insane BJ
Flintts Mints and LUBELIFE flavored lube
LUBELIFE has plenty of best-selling flavored lubes, from strawberry and watermelon to cocktail-inspired options. For a sloppier oral, be sure to stock up on Flintts Mints, which take things to the next level.
