Sometimes, a compliment is just nice to hear. Other times, it’s a massive turn-on. The phrase “praise kink” has gone viral on TikTok, with people expressing how hot certain phrases can be. It’s undeniable that words of affirmation feel great, and that can ring even more true in a bedroom context (hint: this is a great arena to explore for people who adore dirty talk). Learning what kinks you like is one of the most empowering things you can do, and we’re here with praise kink 101, along with insights from a professional dominatrix and kink educator.
What is a praise kink?
Dominatrix and kink educator Mistress Marley says, “A praise kink is when affirmation becomes part of the turn-on, not just something nice to hear. The praise itself can create excitement and connection between partners.”
A praise kink differs from a compliment in that it’s under the BDSM umbrella and is a sexual version of appreciating affirmations. People with a praise kink, or a desire anti-humiliation play, will often need verbal forms of validation to achieve sexual satisfaction.
For those looking to explore a softer and more tame end of the BDSM spectrum, this is a great starting point.
What words or phrases can activate a praise kink?
Not sure what to say to someone with a praise kink? Marley says, “It can be anything from “good girl”, “good boy”, or “I’m proud of you”. The tone matters too, for example, a soft whisper, enthusiastic approval, or even a reaction of approval can hit completely differently.”
Praise kink phrases
For people who find explicit dirty talk to be awkward or uncomfortable, this is the perfect way to get across desire and appreciation. Praise kink phrases like the following can really turn up the arousal level.
“You’re doing such a good job.”
“You’re so perfect.”
“You’re taking it so well.”
“You feel so good.”
“I’m proud of you.”
“You’re such a good [boy/girl/slut/pet].”
Mistress Marley loves using praise with her subs, because it allows her to reinforce behavior while also creating connection – because there’s power in letting someone know they’ve genuinely pleased her.
While it’s often aligned with submissive behavior, Tops and Dominants can absolutely have praise kinks as well. Marley expands, “Dominants need their flowers too. A submissive telling their Dominant how powerful, beautiful, or irresistible they are can be just as affirming. Praise kinks can go both ways.”
To cater to a top, sexual praise might reinforce authority or their skill, with phrases like
“You’re so good at controlling me.”
“I love how confident you are.”
“You always know exactly what I need.”
“I feel safe surrendering to you.”
How to explore a praise kink
Like exploring any kink, consent and communication are paramount when bringing a partner into the mix. Rather than just trying it out in bed, it’s best to bring it up with a partner in a non-sexual setting first and discuss how you’d like to incorporate it. Keep in mind that praise is also individual and contextual, so be specific about which words and phrases you like, and which you don’t like.
The key here is authenticity; don’t just read off a script. Pay attention to what makes your partner light up, talk to each other about it, and build your own language of praise together. Non-verbal cues that they’re happy with it can be smiling, asking for more, or increased enthusiasm, whereas silence, tension, or withdrawing will require a check-in.
For instance, some people like to combine praise with degradation, while others prefer only compliments. After you try it out, debrief about what works and what didn’t. According to Mistress Marley, praise kinks can also be incorporated into your aftercare: “During play, praise can reinforce the dynamic. After play, it can become softer and reassuring. For instance, “You did beautifully,” “I loved sharing that with you,” or simply reminding them that they’re cared for.”
Why are praise kinks blowing up right now?
You’ve probably seen a “good girl” meme or two on social media, and while much of this is due to BDSM entering the mainstream more rapidly than ever, it may also be linked to the chaotic state of the world right now. Praise kinks are a way to reject all the negativity and allow for an affirming space in sex, which we’ve seen in pop culture moments from “Babygirl” to “Wuthering Heights.”
Mistress Marley adds, “A lot of adults walk through life rarely hearing that they’re doing well or appreciated. Praise kink takes that craving for affirmation and gives people permission to explore how powerful those words can feel in intimacy.”
