Carlos and Patrick Dolan felt an immediate connection with their newborn, Maison, who could be described as the little embryo that could during the IVF process.
The doctors graded the two embryos they implanted, and to the couple’s surprise, the highest grade didn’t take. Instead, the lower-graded one produced a perfect girl with big, full, curly hair who loves to smile and has a sassy personality, just like her daddies.
Although Maison felt like the couple’s parenting dreams coming to life, they were acutely aware that for many hopeful gay parents, it’s discouraging to dream without a straightforward or affordable journey ahead. Thus, the Bottoms Up Movement was created.
Sitting down for a Zoom call with So.Gay, Carlos enjoys the peace of an empty home while Patrick drives with his mother in the passenger seat and Maison calling out for attention in the back.
It’s an unusual interview setting, but the queer experience is all about navigating unique circumstances and making the most of it. Carlos and Patrick share with us how the woes and joys of surrogacy inspired a collection of products unapologetically designed for the beauty, intimacy, and hygiene needs of the male bum.
Yes, babies might not come from the rear end, but when two men love each other—and their baby—they want others to have the same gift. The Bottoms Up Movement donates 5% of all revenue (not just profit) to partner organizations Men Having Babies and HelpUsAdopt.org, which help queer families complete theirs.
The idea for the business sparked when both husbands were on parental leave and reflected on the village it took to get there.
“For our wedding, we did a surrogacy journey fund rather than asking for a giant registry to be able to afford it,” says Carlos. “We already had our house and lived together for about five years at that point, so we didn’t need anything. We needed more love and money.”
Still, even with outside financial donations and two decent jobs, Carlos and Patrick still had to take out a loan. They share that surrogacy costs can spike upwards of $200,000, depending on the situation.
“It shouldn’t just be affluent families that have the right to have children,” says Carlos.
But it wasn’t just about the money. The parents encountered an unexpected insecurity when interviewing pediatricians, researching daycares and schools, and mapping out their daughter’s future: Would she be the only kid with same-sex parents?
“I didn’t want the journey of a gay family to be [Maison’s] burden but a normal, life experience,” says Patrick. “I’m not gonna lie; it comes from a selfish place of wanting our child to grow up in a future where there are other families like her.”
As evidenced by the passing of country-wide marriage equality in 2015, the gay agenda is offering queer people the opportunity for the pursuit of happiness, including family values.
When given the opportunity, LGBTQ+ parents have just as much love to give children as their counterparts, and not to be shady, slightly lower divorce rates.
“We need to figure out how to make it affordable,” says Patrick. “How do we make this dream within reach? If having kids is something you take off the table simply because of finances, that is absolutely crushing.”
A mission inspired by the gay community naturally needed a solution that resonated within it. Enter (Bum) Lube, (Bum) Scrub, and (Bum) Cleanse—a curated selection of products catering to man’s best asset, or at least, one of them.
“The Bum Scrub is an exfoliating scrub. It smells wonderful!” says Carlos. “It smells like coffee and mocha, with hints of chocolate and vanilla. You can use it anywhere below your neckline as part of your normal beauty routine.”
The lube is perfect for gay coitus—but any woman will tell you it goes a long way in straight sex, too—and the cleanse is great for bottoms or anyone who cares about gut health and healthy bowel movements.
The couple says some people warned them about the delicacy of marketing products associated with gay sex, but they refused to be hindered by internalized homophobia.
Children are not buying the products; gay adult men and allies are. Their goal is not only to raise funds to help gay couples on their surrogacy journey but also to create awareness about grants and available resources dedicated to LGBTQ+ parents.
Ultimately, Carlos and Patrick want to help make the miracle of having kids a reality for any aspiring parents with all the love to give and a dream.
“Nothing makes me happier than hearing ‘I love you so much, Daddy’ or ‘Can I fall asleep on your shoulder tonight, Daddy?’” says Patrick.
Explore their products and check out all the ways BUM is helping the community on their website and on their Instagram.
