To best sell himself to potential matches, Dennis Kwan began with his most basic stats: single, male, 40, successful wedding photographer living in Los Angeles. Then, as anyone trying to secure the most interest on the internet would, he added what he perceived as his best qualities: Ivy League-educated and 6’7″.
Lastly, determined not to be hindered by geography, he made it clear he’d be willing to travel by plane if necessary. It showed commitment, not desperation!
Kwan didn’t expect to be inundated with so many suitors desiring him, but this wasn’t a regular dating app profile.
Queer female couples wanted his sperm to make a baby. He posted an ad on an “LGBTQ Sperm Donors” Facebook group, where he discovered gay donors were a rare breed.
The wedding photographer tells So.Gay that he always wanted a biological child but didn’t have room in his life to raise one. He saw himself more as a fun guncle figure.
“People were like, ‘We never see gay sperm donors on here. That’s so cool! I would love to meet someone who seems normal,’” says Kwan.
Evidently, the sperm donor market tended to attract a lot of hetero males with questionable or sketchy motives. He says as it stands, there’s a Rolodex of guys generating hundreds of babies.
“Most people in the Facebook group are free sperm donors,” says Kwan. “So it’s like, why are you doing this so much? I wanted to get to know the couple and ensure I bring a child into a home where they will be well cared for.”
Kwan bonded with a lesbian couple in Canada and gradually became good friends. Three months after they met, they started trying to procreate.
“We each had our own lawyers and got all our stuff checked to make sure there were no STDs, no genetic abnormalities, or anything like that,” says Kwan.
The year-long process involved taking turns flying back and forth until they were eventually able to get pregnant via IUI/IVF.
“Right now, the baby is due in September,” says Kwan. “I had fellow gay friends who were intrigued and said they wished they knew lesbians to make a baby with.”
As Kwan’s baby was conceived, so was an idea for a new business: GAYBY, an app that connects queer couples with gay sperm donors—a modern queer tale of Adam & Eve.
At first, Kwan quietly matched his network. He says the lesbian and gay communities don’t often overlap, so there aren’t many opportunities for recipients and donors to organically find each other.
The guys in the Gayby ad look like the same models used to advertise dating apps, so clearly, superficiality is part of the equation.
The founder took it upon himself to play matchmaker of hopeful LGBTQ+ parents with gay men, if only for proof of concept. He wanted to wait to launch the app until he had his own story to tell.
For people wondering why LGBTQ+ couples wouldn’t just adopt, Kwan says it’s a costly and often complicated process.
According to Parents, the price of private adoption varies greatly in the United States but usually ranges from $30,000 to $60,000, not to mention the prejudice that queer parents often face from these entities.
But more than anything, Kwan wanted to bridge the gap between queer female couples who desired to give birth and gay men who could make excellent, loving guncles.
A better alternative to storks or coconut trees if you ask us.
